Les Ormes Golf Club

Today, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing a gale.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my stupid husband is
out golfing in that shit.'
 

ALMOST PERFECT!
Peter walks into the locker room about to play a round and meets his pal Shaun, who's just finished.
'Hello mate, how did you play?' he asks.
Shaun says: 'I started eight, eight, eight, eight, nine.'
'Nine?' says Peter, with surprise.
'Well', says Shaun: 'I'm not a bloody machine.'

'Par is anything you want it to be. For instance, this hole here is a par-13 and yesterday I birdied the sucker.' - Willie Nelson.

Steve Whiteside advising Dale Martin on problems with his back-swing  "Lay off for three weeks and then quit for good"

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Then the husband died and as the first to go and true to his word, he made contact:
"Mary ... Mary ....""Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like what do you do and do you still look like Al Pacino
"No Mary I've changed and Well, I get up early in the morning. I have sex. I have breakfast, then I'm out on the golf course. After that, I have sex again. By then it's lunch. I bathe in the sun for an hour, then I have sex again before another romp around the golf course. After supper, there's more sex. The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly Mary, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in St Brelade"

When asked about his game the LV Kid replied, "It's a lot like masturbation. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it's disgusting to watch."

At Les Ormes the first fairway runs along Mont Le Brun which is fenced off on the right. Neil Kelly teed off and sliced the ball, the ball went over the fence and bounced onto the road, where it hit the roof of a moving St Ouens bus and was knocked back on to the fairway just 20 yard from the green.
His playing partners all stood in amazement, they all asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"
Without hesitation, Neil said, "You have to know the bus schedule."